Here's a comprehensive resource for you if your loved one is at any stage of dementia and is still driving.
Here is a link to Dementia & Driving, provided by Warner Law Offices.
This guide gives suggested ways to approach the dreaded taking-away-the-carkey conversation, ideas to give your loved one some level of transportation independence, and how to cope with the emotions of this change.
Tena L. Scallan has some great suggestions for "How to Keep Your Loved Ones Independent" in Caregiver.com, the free newsletter for Today's Caregiver magazine.
Two of her suggestions resonate most with me. One is understanding that changes in your loved one's physical abilities will most likely be accompanied by emotions. Whether it's a temporary setback, like post-surgery rehab, or permanent decline, your loved one may well exhibit symptoms of depression. None of us likes to face the new reality of lost independence and increased dependence. I would learn what you can about the grief process, because your loved one is experiencing a loss, and so are you as you newly set aside a part of your own life to care for someone's new need.
The other one of Scallan's suggestions that I feel compelled to stress is paying attention to your loved one's dietary habits. This can be challenging, especially if Dad's only pleasure these days is a chocolate frosted donut with his morning coffee. But I encourage you to find a reliable source of information about dietary needs in the elderly, or in whatever other people group your loved one falls in (for example, people with MS or Alzheimer's or diabetes). I might offer the Mayo Clinic or Cleveland Clinic as reliable sources of health info, but you can find others as well. Zero in on fiber and fluids, as Scallan mentions. And try to limit your gifts of sugary treats.
To read Tena Scallan's other practical tips for keeping your loved one independent, click here.
Mimi Pockross in this week's Caregiver.com newsletter nails it in her article, "Ten Commandments for Caregiving." Read it here.
As I read her ten commandments, I kept nodding. At some points I nodded out of exhaustion. Oh my goodness, caregiving takes so much out of a person! At other points I nodded out of agreement with the wisdom of her points. But bottom line: Decide up-front to spend the time doing what she recommends and you will save yourself a lot of exhaustion time.
Commandment Number Five is Educate Yourself. Number Eight is Do Your Homework. So many resources exist now that did not exist when I began my caregiving journey. I am forever grateful that I read the books I did, because that knowledge was invaluable in arranging for what Mom and Dad needed. Homework time spent paid off. You'd be amazed (and distressed) to learn how many hospital personnel do not have disease-specific training. They are well-trained in keeping your loved one alive, but don't count on them to know specifics about how not to traumatize a person with Alzheimer's, for example. You WILL find yourself in the position of training them. So, be prepared.
Commandment Number Six, Learn Every Bureaucracy, also resonated with me. Invariably, you will need to know what hospital nurses can and can't do. Who supervises them, in case you need to speak with that person? Who is this hospital's patient ombudsman? And of course, since your mom's meds are managed by the nursing facility's nurse manager, you assume if you need to give a list of her medications to someone, you'd go through the nurse manager. Nope. Medical Records does that. I wasted three months barking up the wrong tree because I didn't know this. In addition, learn what constitutes elder abuse and how to report it. If you hire in-home help, know the supervisor!
All Ten Commandments for Caregiving in this article are worth a look. Thank you, Mimi Pockross!
Driving Mom and Dad
In the rear view mirror I see
one side of Mom’s mouth droop when she talks,
as if half of her is just so tired.
At a rest stop, they change places.
In the rear view mirror I see
Dad’s hollow sockets stare straight,
as if he’s seen too much world go by.
Soon they will want to rest again,
And I will need to let them.
© 2006 Jane Hoppe
Every Monday my newspaper features a column by Teri Dreher, who is a nurse, and a patient advocate and owner of a patient advocacy company. To help readers make the healthiest choices, she tackles everyday topics like questions to ask before agreeing to surgery, as well as awareness of hurtful behaviors. I find her columns very practical for caregivers, so I was delighted to learn that Dreher has written a book, How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself and Loved Ones, available on Amazon.
Here is the description on Amazon:
