The Magic of Music Revisited for Pandemic Holidays

Many caregivers, myself included, have written about how music touches some mysterious joy button down deep in our hearts. When I visited my dad in the Alzheimer's wing and pressed TAPE PLAY on his little boom box, he'd snap from a slumping senior to a baton-waving conductor. The nursing home's piano gets lots of use, and singalongs are well-attended and enjoyed. For years now, my mom has most successfully fallen asleep to CDs of soft music. My day's anxieties also drift off most peacefully to music CDs.

Recently, a friend invited me to "attend" a Chicago Symphony Christmas concert online "with" her and then discuss it afterward in a FaceTime call. We really enjoyed talking about various numbers and voices and selections. This particular offering is a Christmas tradition for my friend, and I felt honored to share it with her this year. 

This week I watched a Piano Guys Christmas concert YouTube on my computer. One guest singer's tenor voice captivated me, and I have since shared various YouTubes of his songs with one friend and my mother. I know they both enjoy tenor singing.

So, Hanukkah is here and Christmas is ten days away. Do I have a Christmas gift for my mom yet? No. Do I have any clue what to get a 100-year-old? No. What about an experiential music gift? What if I asked her what music she really enjoyed from past decades, found a YouTube or audio recording online, prearranged when we listen, she in the nursing home and I in my home, and then we talked on the phone about it? Maybe beforehand I could drop off a special snack and beverage at the home so that she and I could make a party of it. 

Lawrence Welk? Andy Williams? Frank Sinatra? Elvis? Perry Como? Doris Day? Maurice Chevalier? Show tunes from old musicals?

I bet Mom would have some great memories to share about whatever music we shared. 

 

Moving an aging parent into your home

Although we siblings did not move our parents into our homes, we considered doing so, and I know a number of people who did. Teri Dreher, board-certified patient advocate, suggests asking three questions before doing this:

What kind of care does your parent need?

What are the financial implications?

What are the emotional implications?

To read her whole article in the Monday, October 5, 2020, Daily Herald, click here.

I found Dreher's simple steps wise. Also interesting to me was her explanation of the financial and emotional costs. In my case, the emotions of profound sadness, helplessness (to stop my parents' decline), and depression so drained my energy levels that I stopped working years before I probably would have otherwise. I earned significantly less than my siblings who kept working. 

According to Dreher, people who take a parent into their home may earn less and also annually spend more than $7,400 out-of-pocket caring for their loved one.

Teri Dreher is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care nurse for more than 30 years, she founded the nonprofit Seniors Alone Guardianship & Advocacy Services, SeniorsAlone.org. And please check out the services offered by Seniors Alone.

Comfort Zones Are Overrated

What a pep talk Marlys Johnson gives in her Caregiver.com article, "Comfort Zones Are Overrated." All of us can benefit from the mindset of recruiting a health care team. And what about Marlys' and her husband's rules for conversation on their date nights? Plus, let's hear a cheer for intentionally getting outdoors. Whether you have a life-limiting illness or not, your life is limited, so why spend it in your comfort zone? Why not make a difference to the world instead? To read Marlys Johnston's inspiring article, "Comfort Zones Are Overrated," click here.

11 Caregiving Memoirs That Get It Right

The American Society on Aging (ASA) lists "11 Caregiving Memoirs That Get It Right" here. You'll find some bittersweet, poignant, practical reading in this list. The webpage also mentions Ann Patchett's article in The Observer that sounds worth looking up.

Wound Care by Jennifer Bradley

Another helpful article in Caregiver.com, this one on wound care in the elderly. Author Jennifer Bradley lays out reasons for different types of skin issues and gives solutions. She discusses skin tears, pressure ulcers, infections, and diabetic skin care. She also addresses prevention.

Pressure ulcers are especially tricky, in my parents' experience, because there comes a time when they just couldn't avoid sitting or lying in the same position for long periods of time. And caregivers pulling tight compression stockings on and off tear the skin if they are not extremely careful and well-trained.

To read Jennifer Bradley's practical "Wound Care" article, click here. 

Loving on Empty

Have you pondered what keeps you going day after day, month after month, year after year? Psychotherapist Mike Verano considers the complexity of caregivers' energy sources in his Caregiver.com article Loving on Empty. His analogy of "taking a sleeping pill and an energy drink at the same time" rings true for me. Here is a link to Loving on Empty. Check it out!

Home Care Versus Assisted Living

What kind of help does your loved one need? If you would like to see a succinct comparison, pros and cons, of in-home assistance versus an assisted living facility, please check out this Caregiver.com article by Spencer Harris: Home Care Versus Assisted Living.

My family has experienced both. Plus, my siblings and I are all at an age where we are mulling these decisions for our own older years. This article handily breaks down this critical decision.

Some Things I Have Learned

What we learn in the caregiving role is invaluable. We grow. We give love in new ways. We protect and defend. We don't let "the system" stop us as we provide for a loved one's needs. We rely on God.

In a Caregiver.com article, John Patterson expresses these positives better than I ever could. Here is his article, Some Things I Have Learned.

A Nice Touch by Cyndie Goins Hoelscher

To pass along helpful hints, I frequently post links to Caregiver.com posts and Today's Caregiver articles. Today I would like to share with you one of their posts that is simply beautiful. Beautiful language, creative presentation of grief's hues, and powerfully encouraging.

Here is the article, "A Nice Touch," by Cyndie Goins Hoelscher.

To Panic ... Or Not?

Panic might not be the right word. Perhaps strong worry is better. When the issue is your parent’s potentially life-threatening condition, your chest squeezes out your breath and your stomach knots into a rock. I suppose it’s a combination of dread, helplessness, and hope. It took my 99-year-old mother’s nursing home three weeks to diagnose her cough as pneumonia. I was so scared, panicked even, that this time, pneumonia might do her in. But I have to say that my mother seems stronger now, so I needn’t have worried. After they finally did diagnose it, these conversations occurred:

Me: I’m concerned about my mother’s cough.

Mom’s nurse: She’s not coughing.

Me: She just had a coughing jag that rocked her whole body.

Nurse: When the aide wheels her by the nurse’s station to go to lunch, I listen and your mom is not coughing.

Me: Would you please come to her room to listen now?

Me: I have read that pneumonia is contagious; is my mother’s?

Mom’s nurse: No, but wash your hands a lot.

My conclusion: Caution is advised. Thank God for diagnosis and proper medication, but know that the nurse probably has so many residents to look after, her attention to my mother will be scattershot. Follow my gut sense on when to clue her. And yeah, wash my hands a lot. No need to panic. As the British World War II mantra goes: Keep calm and carry on.