An Unexpected Benefit of Caregiving

My favorite resource during this season of my life, Caregiver.com, yesterday published an article I wrote about practical health care tips I have gleaned from my parents' doctor visits.

You can read "An Unexpected Benefit of Caregiving" here.

 

5 Ways to Help Loved Ones Deal With Grief

In her Caregiver.com article, Rebecca Rushing, BSN, RN, discusses ways a caregiver can deal with his or her own grief and help other grieving family members. I was especially interested in this topic because of my grief experience after my dad died. I had come alongside my mom for most of the ten years she cared for him after an Alzheimer's diagnosis. When he died, the rest of the family gathered around the grieving widow, left me and my husband standing alone to clean out Dad's belongings from his nursing home room, and then most of them pretty much didn't want to talk with me in subsequent months about missing Dad. I realized then everybody grieves differently. I would have benefited from Rushing's advice to get grief counseling for myself.

Another aspect I wish I'd learned back then is Rushing's Point 4: Help them become more independent. My dad had been Mr. Fixit around the house. Plus, simply being taller and stronger than Mom, he could do things like change light bulbs in ceiling fixtures. Even with an Alzheimer's-addled memory, he was still clever. Once, they needed a new toilet, so Mom and I drove to Home Depot, bought a toilet, and had store workers lift the toilet into my SUV. When we pulled into their driveway, Dad rushed out because he was hyper-anxious whenever Mom was gone; he knew he depended on her for everything. So the three of us stood behind the vehicle wondering how the heck we were now going to get this 80-pound monstrosity out of the car and into their garage. Dad suggested, "Let's roll the rolling garbage bin out here, slide the toilet onto the top of the bin, and wheel the bin into the garage. The plumber can take it from there." Brilliant! Ten-ish years later, after a divorce, I have to figure out practical home ownership stuff that my husband always did. If I'd realized recently widowed Mom had been in a similar boat, I could have helped her more.

Rebecca Rushing's article (here), "5 Ways to Help Loved Ones Deal With Grief," is grace-filled and practical. Grief is a really hard, painfully lonely thing. Bottom line is we each deal with it our own way, but Rushing offers some helpful tips.

Extending Independence with Dignity

Finally, a snazzy, jazzy way to get help if you fall! It's the Kanega Watch. 

To learn about its inspiration and inventor, Jean Anne Booth, read her interview with Gary Barg, Editor-in-Chief of Today's Caregiver magazine. (link here)

To learn more about this unique medical alert watch, Kanega Watch, go to the UnaliWear site.

Keep the Memories, Not the Stuff

I need to read this book! Keep the Memories, Not the Stuff by Jeannine Bryant is a timely topic for me. One parent passed, one keeps moving into smaller spaces. And hey, Jane has a basement; let's give the stuff to her has been my family's mantra. And Jane, wanting to help and being a sentimental person who doesn't want to let go of her parents, takes their stuff and stacks it in her basement. Even buys new plastic bins for the stuff. But now I need to downsize. What to do with music cassette tapes my dad spent so much loving time recording, or every imaginable kind of hammered aluminum serving tray? (Apparently, hammered aluminum was a popular wedding gift in 1948.)

I learned of Jeannine Bryant's book at Caregiver.com. Here is the publisher's description:

We all will lose loved ones throughout our lives and dealing with the possessions they leave behind is no easy task. If you have trouble letting go of keepsake items that are attached to memories, this book will help you gain a new perspective on life, love, memories, and how none of it is tied to STUFF.

Reading this book can help you properly keep and treasure the best stuff, while letting go of the rest of the stuff. And finally, help you move onto the next stage of your life. Bryant shares thoughtful insights into the grieving process, our attachment to stuff, and the process of letting go. She also gives many practical tips and hands-on advice for letting go without the guilt and leads readers through an important discussion on what it really means to leave behind a legacy for your loved ones. (Hint: It has absolutely nothing to do with your stuff).

"The brutal reality is that people die, and their stuff must go somewhere.” So begins this honest, direct yet caring approach to our loved one’s memories and the stuff that is attached to them.

We all will lose loved ones throughout our lives and dealing with the possessions they leave behind is no easy task. If you have trouble letting go of keepsake items that are attached to memories, this book will help you gain a new perspective on life, love, memories, and how none of it is tied to STUFF.

Reading this book can help you properly keep and treasure the best stuff, while letting go of the rest of the stuff. And finally, help you move onto the next stage of your life. Bryant shares thoughtful insights into the grieving process, our attachment to stuff, and the process of letting go. She also gives many practical tips and hands-on advice for letting go without the guilt and leads readers through an important discussion on what it really means to leave behind a legacy for your loved ones. (Hint: It has absolutely nothing to do with your stuff).

Family Caregivers Need Support; how you can help

With her article, "Family caregivers need support; how you can help," Teri Dreher hit another one out of the park in Monday's Daily Herald. After a long career as a critical care nurse, Dreher founded NShore Patient Advocates, www.NorthShoreRN.com. Looks like a great service! I always learn something from her columns in the Health & Fitness section of the Daily Herald. Unfortunately, I can't find a link to share here.

Dreher stresses that caregiving is often a long, costly journey. You can show up for the caregiver in a variety of ways. Don't discount the value of just listening. Or, prearrange to mom-sit or dad-sit while the caregiver goes out for a few hours. Small gifts like cupcakes or a book or flowers can brighten the family's day. Bringing a nutritious meal or doing a household chore or two can relieve the caregiver. Even if you don't do practical things for the caregiver, keep in touch by calling or jotting a note. If you're intentional about keeping in touch, the caregiver won't feel so alone.

If you can find "Family caregivers need support; how you can help," you can read all Dreher's ten ideas.