Caring Bridge resource makes your life easier

Caring Bridge is what it says it is, a bridge from you (or your loved one) to people who care about your situation. Via the Internet site CaringBridge.org, you can easily communicate updates to people whom you choose to tell.

 

When you want to share a diagnostic test result, it's easy to let people you've designated to receive Caring Bridge updates know the news. Yay, Dad didn't have a stroke! When the oncologist decides on your mother's twelve radiation treatments to begin September 1 and end November 30, you can inform those closest to you of this decision. When you see that Mom feels nauseated for about two days after each Wednesday treatment, you can simply send a Caring Bridge note to please not phone on Thursdays and Fridays.

 

Recently, I learned that Caring Bridge also offers great advice on building and maintaining a strong support network. You can read it here.

When Caregiving is Not Enough - Finding Good Homecare

 In her article, "When Caregiving Is Not Enough ~ Finding Good Homecare," in this week's issue of Caregiver.com's newsletter, Leah M. Pavela, LCSW, offers a meaty list of issues to consider when seeking in-home care for your loved one.

 

Her tips, which you can find here, are very wise. After my family's frustrations and hard-earned lessons with several home care agencies, I cringe when I hear a caregiver say, "Oh, we're just going to hire Sally because our neighbor liked her." You need to ask Ms. Pavela's great questions about communications, supervision, emergencies, insurance, and so forth. Finding good homecare should lighten your load, so vet people and agencies with problem prevention in mind.

Cookies!

 She sat with afternoon sunlight rendering her royal blue cashmere cardigan and blue/apple green silk scarf into sapphires and emeralds. Or maybe her glow came from Day 3 of her only son's visit. Her eyes shone with joy and attempted attention to her son's fingers and lips as he tweaked her computer files, shortcuts, and apps to make her 96th year easier and cybersafer.

As grateful as I was for my brother's tech help and as hard as I concentrated on remembering all this new information so that I could help Mom after my brother went home, I zoned out. Had to leave. My techno-weenie brain was full.

On my drive home, a conversation replayed in my head. Mom had looked at me brightly and shared that when I had e-mailed that I wanted to bake cookies with her, she had immediately sent her caregiver to the store to buy all the ingredients. She was so excited. I was dumbfounded.

I wondered if someone else had expressed a desire to bake Christmas cookies with Mom. Who was the e-mail from? Me? I didn't remember saying that I wanted to bake cookies. Can't even imagine it; I don't have the patience required to bake cookies. Plus, it's not part of my childhood history with Mom.  Back scratches, yes. Head rubs, yes. Cookie baking, no.

Finally, in the car on my way home, it clicked. I had copied Mom on an e-mail I had sent to my brother to ask him if while he was in town, would he show me how to clear cookies from Mom's computer.

Awww ... Mom's eagerness to bake Christmas cookies with me touched my heart. Her confusion concerns me, yes, but mostly, I want to bake cookies with my mom. 

 

Just admit it ~ You're a caregiver!

So many articles encourage caregivers to take care of themselves in the midst of caring for a loved one. So many people these days are tending to a less capable person's needs. Great advice for just about any obstacle they encounter is readily available, especially with resources like Caregiver.com, a website that is searchable by subject.

BUT, what I encounter most when I suggest Caregiver.com to friends is, "Oh, I'm not a caregiver." Is a common perception that you're not a caregiver unless ... unless what? You've moved a parent or older sibling into your home? My friends drive their loved one everywhere, get calls to come over when the person can't get out of bed, manage all prescriptions, make and take meals, research and purchase practical needs like special cushions or lift-chair recliners, follow the ambulance and curl up on a hard plastic chair in the ICU to try to get some shuteye. And my friends carry these responsibilities week in and week out for years.

My friends recognize their own burnout. How can they think they don't need caregiver resources or any respite for themselves? To them, I say, "Just admit it ~ You're a caregiver!" Please!

I like to post Caregiver.com articles in this blog, and I will today, too. An article by Barbara Hanson Dennis has some great, positive suggestions. You can read "Surviving Caregiving with Dignity, Love, and Kindness" here.

Beware Caller ID Spoofing

 Caregiver.com's article "Caller ID Spoofing," gives advice that can't be repeated too often. Most of us who aren't super tech-savvy and don't operate with criminal intent naturally believe that our Caller ID tells the truth. If Caller ID says our bank is calling, then we expect to be talking with our bank when we answer the call. If Caller ID says Microsoft is calling, then we assume Microsoft is calling. Most seniors can't imagine it's possible to program a phone to lie.

You can read the Caregiver.com article here, for great reminders, such as the trick of verifying by independently researching the supposed caller's actual phone number and calling them. I might add that this wisdom applies to e-mails as well. I recently got an e-mail telling me my I-Pass account to pay tolls had little or no money left in it and I needed to replenish my account right away. Everything ~ the I-Pass logo and website URL ~ looked legit. But I left that e-mail and Googled I-Pass, where I found a banner warning of this very scam. Also, my account was nowhere near depleted.

Forty-Eight Mental Breaks for Caregivers

Wow, I really like this list in today's Caregiver.com newsletter. Forty-Eight Mental Breaks for Caregivers. I might add For Any Stressful Time of Life. And also, really let your mind and heart go to those places. For Number 17, the beach, for example, don't just think about a beach. Feel warm sand under your toes, cool foam sloshing over your toes, sunshine soothing your eyelids. Remember your giddy joy to find the tide line littered with starfish or a whole sand dollar or conch. Think about how fun it was to peer inside a fisherman's bucket and chat about the day's catch. Any sand castles in your memories? Dolphin sightings? Take a little time to revel in each mental break.

Number 7, taking a drive on a pretty road ... I'd almost forgotten the drive through Big Sur forty-plus years ago. I don't think often enough about the jaw-dropping colorama in the Adirondacks on a more recent drive. But if I sit with these memories for a bit, details will come to mind and refresh me.

I encourage you to check out all 48 here. Try a few, especially if your caregiving situation is such that you can't take nearly enough actual physical breaks. These mental break ideas are winners.

Legal Tips for the New Year

 "Legal Tips for the New Year" by Jonathan Chochor, JD, does contain helpful legal tips for caregivers, but more than that, the article tells a few ways you can be a more effective medical advocate.

Researching a physician's professional background for disciplinary actions is a tip I don't often see. A more common tip, keeping a log of symptoms, diagnoses, and medications is extremely important. Take the log to doctor visits.

I wish I had bought a notebook to dedicate for this purpose. Instead, I used note papers, which, I can testify, get lost easily. I might add that as medications add up, you'd be wise to jot each drug's possible side effects in your notebook and inquire of the doctor if you note new symptoms you suspect might be side effects. In my experience, doctors were pretty good at monitoring this themselves, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Ultimately, you need to make the best decision for your loved one, and that means understanding risks and benefits of the drugs.

To read Chochor's article in Caregiver.com, click on "Legal Tips for the New Year."