Just admit it ~ You're a caregiver!

So many articles encourage caregivers to take care of themselves in the midst of caring for a loved one. So many people these days are tending to a less capable person's needs. Great advice for just about any obstacle they encounter is readily available, especially with resources like Caregiver.com, a website that is searchable by subject.

BUT, what I encounter most when I suggest Caregiver.com to friends is, "Oh, I'm not a caregiver." Is a common perception that you're not a caregiver unless ... unless what? You've moved a parent or older sibling into your home? My friends drive their loved one everywhere, get calls to come over when the person can't get out of bed, manage all prescriptions, make and take meals, research and purchase practical needs like special cushions or lift-chair recliners, follow the ambulance and curl up on a hard plastic chair in the ICU to try to get some shuteye. And my friends carry these responsibilities week in and week out for years.

My friends recognize their own burnout. How can they think they don't need caregiver resources or any respite for themselves? To them, I say, "Just admit it ~ You're a caregiver!" Please!

I like to post Caregiver.com articles in this blog, and I will today, too. An article by Barbara Hanson Dennis has some great, positive suggestions. You can read "Surviving Caregiving with Dignity, Love, and Kindness" here.

Beware Caller ID Spoofing

 Caregiver.com's article "Caller ID Spoofing," gives advice that can't be repeated too often. Most of us who aren't super tech-savvy and don't operate with criminal intent naturally believe that our Caller ID tells the truth. If Caller ID says our bank is calling, then we expect to be talking with our bank when we answer the call. If Caller ID says Microsoft is calling, then we assume Microsoft is calling. Most seniors can't imagine it's possible to program a phone to lie.

You can read the Caregiver.com article here, for great reminders, such as the trick of verifying by independently researching the supposed caller's actual phone number and calling them. I might add that this wisdom applies to e-mails as well. I recently got an e-mail telling me my I-Pass account to pay tolls had little or no money left in it and I needed to replenish my account right away. Everything ~ the I-Pass logo and website URL ~ looked legit. But I left that e-mail and Googled I-Pass, where I found a banner warning of this very scam. Also, my account was nowhere near depleted.

Forty-Eight Mental Breaks for Caregivers

Wow, I really like this list in today's Caregiver.com newsletter. Forty-Eight Mental Breaks for Caregivers. I might add For Any Stressful Time of Life. And also, really let your mind and heart go to those places. For Number 17, the beach, for example, don't just think about a beach. Feel warm sand under your toes, cool foam sloshing over your toes, sunshine soothing your eyelids. Remember your giddy joy to find the tide line littered with starfish or a whole sand dollar or conch. Think about how fun it was to peer inside a fisherman's bucket and chat about the day's catch. Any sand castles in your memories? Dolphin sightings? Take a little time to revel in each mental break.

Number 7, taking a drive on a pretty road ... I'd almost forgotten the drive through Big Sur forty-plus years ago. I don't think often enough about the jaw-dropping colorama in the Adirondacks on a more recent drive. But if I sit with these memories for a bit, details will come to mind and refresh me.

I encourage you to check out all 48 here. Try a few, especially if your caregiving situation is such that you can't take nearly enough actual physical breaks. These mental break ideas are winners.

Legal Tips for the New Year

 "Legal Tips for the New Year" by Jonathan Chochor, JD, does contain helpful legal tips for caregivers, but more than that, the article tells a few ways you can be a more effective medical advocate.

Researching a physician's professional background for disciplinary actions is a tip I don't often see. A more common tip, keeping a log of symptoms, diagnoses, and medications is extremely important. Take the log to doctor visits.

I wish I had bought a notebook to dedicate for this purpose. Instead, I used note papers, which, I can testify, get lost easily. I might add that as medications add up, you'd be wise to jot each drug's possible side effects in your notebook and inquire of the doctor if you note new symptoms you suspect might be side effects. In my experience, doctors were pretty good at monitoring this themselves, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Ultimately, you need to make the best decision for your loved one, and that means understanding risks and benefits of the drugs.

To read Chochor's article in Caregiver.com, click on "Legal Tips for the New Year."

Dementia & Driving

 Here's a comprehensive resource for you if your loved one is at any stage of dementia and is still driving.

Here is a link to Dementia & Driving, provided by Warner Law Offices.

This guide gives suggested ways to approach the dreaded taking-away-the-carkey conversation, ideas to give your loved one some level of transportation independence, and how to cope with the emotions of this change.

How to Keep Your Loved Ones Independent

Tena L. Scallan has some great suggestions for "How to Keep Your Loved Ones Independent" in Caregiver.com, the free newsletter for Today's Caregiver magazine. 

Two of her suggestions resonate most with me. One is understanding that changes in your loved one's physical abilities will most likely be accompanied by emotions. Whether it's a temporary setback, like post-surgery rehab, or permanent decline, your loved one may well exhibit symptoms of depression. None of us likes to face the new reality of lost independence and increased dependence. I would learn what you can about the grief process, because your loved one is experiencing a loss, and so are you as you newly set aside a part of your own life to care for someone's new need.

The other one of Scallan's suggestions that I feel compelled to stress is paying attention to your loved one's dietary habits. This can be challenging, especially if Dad's only pleasure these days is a chocolate frosted donut with his morning coffee. But I encourage you to find a reliable source of information about dietary needs in the elderly, or in whatever other people group your loved one falls in (for example, people with MS or Alzheimer's or diabetes). I might offer the Mayo Clinic or Cleveland Clinic as reliable sources of health info, but you can find others as well. Zero in on fiber and fluids, as Scallan mentions. And try to limit your gifts of sugary treats.

To read Tena Scallan's other practical tips for keeping your loved one independent, click here.

Ten Commandments for Caregiving

Mimi Pockross in this week's Caregiver.com newsletter nails it in her article, "Ten Commandments for Caregiving." Read it here.

As I read her ten commandments, I kept nodding. At some points I nodded out of exhaustion. Oh my goodness, caregiving takes so much out of a person! At other points I nodded out of agreement with the wisdom of her points. But bottom line: Decide up-front to spend the time doing what she recommends and you will save yourself a lot of exhaustion time. 

Commandment Number Five is Educate Yourself. Number Eight is Do Your Homework. So many resources exist now that did not exist when I began my caregiving journey. I am forever grateful that I read the books I did, because that knowledge was invaluable in arranging for what Mom and Dad needed. Homework time spent paid off. You'd be amazed (and distressed) to learn how many hospital personnel do not have disease-specific training. They are well-trained in keeping your loved one alive, but don't count on them to know specifics about how not to traumatize a person with Alzheimer's, for example. You WILL find yourself in the position of training them. So, be prepared.

Commandment Number Six, Learn Every Bureaucracy, also resonated with me. Invariably, you will need to know what hospital nurses can and can't do. Who supervises them, in case you need to speak with that person? Who is this hospital's patient ombudsman? And of course, since your mom's meds are managed by the nursing facility's nurse manager, you assume if you need to give a list of her medications to someone, you'd go through the nurse manager. Nope. Medical Records does that. I wasted three months barking up the wrong tree because I didn't know this. In addition, learn what constitutes elder abuse and how to report it. If you hire in-home help, know the supervisor!

All Ten Commandments for Caregiving in this article are worth a look. Thank you, Mimi Pockross!